Summer Preview

June 1st is fast approaching and with it comes the summer blockbuster season. We’re always lead to believe that the most exciting films come out around this time of the year. As if to say, the weathers nice outside go and sit in a dark room and watch a film. Admittedly in England it’s just as likely to rain in July as it is any other time of the year.

Each year around this time we get a glut of big budget, “spectacle” films. The sort of films that scream "look at me, look at me" whilst waving their arms in the air, trying to get the attention of anyone and everyone. Getting our attention normally takes the form of posters, teasers, computer games, trailers, viral marketing campaigns on twitter and Facebook, merchandising, tie ups with fast food chains etc etc . You get to the point where you’re being sold Avengers Cologne and being pushed to wear Watchmen condoms (I shit you not, who wouldn’t want to smell like a 90 year old defrosted virgin, with a blue condom in their wallet?). The only time you don’t hear about a particular film is when you’re asleep, I guess the studios haven’t figured out how to force trailers into our dreams.................. yet. 

This year it looks like Prometheus will win the award for the cheapest girl at the party. She's giving it all away for just free, letting every have a peek up her skirt. The viral marketing campaign seems so intent on showing as much of the film as possible, I’ve imposed an embargo on myself from watching any of the trailers for the film. God forbid I might want the odd surprise when I see the film

The line up always seems exciting at first glance. “This year will be the best one yet,” the studios seem to tell us all the while, patting us down for our wallets and valuables. Forget about that year Tomb Raider was out, don’t think about The Green Lantern, and lets everyone pretend like Catwoman never happened, please God don’t anyone think about Catwoman. “We won’t do anything like that to you again” they tell us whilst releasing the usual line of prequels, sequels and reboots. This year exemplifies this perfectly, The Dark Knight Rises (Sequel), Prometheus (prequel sort of) and The Amazing Spiderman (reboot).

Having said all this, like a little child still believing in the tooth fairy, I still look forward to summer blockbusters! 


So this is my preview of the biggest releases of the next 3 months, not just the blockbusters but the films I’m looking forward to.



Prometheus (June 1st)

This is the first sci-fi film Ridley Scott has made since making two of the defining films of the genre, Blade Runner and Alien. That should be reason enough to be excited about Prometheus.

Originally pegged as an Alien prequel it’s now a story set in the ‘Alien universe,’ what ever that means. With Charlize Theron, Naoomi Rapace, Guy Pearce, Michael Fassbender and Idris Elba this must be one of the best cast lists outside of the Dark Knight Rises. With Scott at the helm we can be sure it’ll look bloody impressive as well.

There is a little part of me that is just that bit worried that this isn’t going to be as good as I hope, I’ve covered it in a previous blog here. Who cares though maybe, just maybe, it’ll all come together perfectly. I’m not linking to the trailer obviously, but I’m sure you can all google it.

A Fantastic Fear of Everything (June 8th)

Written and directed by Crispin Mills, formerly of Kula Shaker, for those of you who don’t know what a Kula Shaker is they were a rubbish band from the 90’s. It stars Simon Pegg as a children's writer who, in a move he probably regrets, decides to move into crime fiction. As the title suggest he then develops a fear of everything, but mainly the hedgehog from his children’s books.

Other than when directed by Edgar Wright, it seems no one can get the best of Pegg and present it on screen. He’s always very watchable in everything he’s in, but the majority of films don’t seem to make the most of his talents. Hopefully this will prove me wrong.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22nd)

If I’m honest I’m sold just by the title. Along with Zombies, vampires still seem to be the occult beasties of choice at the moment. Based on a novel of the same name, Vampire Hunter imagines the famous American President as the only thing that stands between the US and Vampire domination.

Directed by Timur Bekmambetov, it’ll at least be entertaining. Possibly one to go in the guilty pleasures group. In a few years we might get David Cameron: Hoodie Underage Drinking Asbo Hunter (with Nick Clegg as his faithful Lackey).

Ted (June 29th)

A foul mouth teddy bear version of Peter Griffin, who wouldn’t want one of those for christmas? Imagine if you wished your teddy could talk and that came true, what would the adult version of the teddy be like? Well Mark Wahlberg stars as the grown up boy who’s teddy talks, swears and smokes weed. When he falls for Mila Kunis, it’s time for Ted to move out.

Written and directed by Seth McFarlane, I imagine this will be love it or hate it, as it is with his show Family Guy. Personally I’m a fan of Family Guy so I can’t wait.

The Amazing Spider-man (July 3rd)

It doesn’t seem that long since Spider-man 3 was critically mauled, effectively killing the series in its old guise. I have a lot of fondness for the first two spidey films, number 3 tried to do too much, introducing one of the key characters, Venom, but then barely doing anything with him. Out goes Tobey Maguire and in comes Andrew Garfield to start everything anew, or rather reboot things.

I’m a little unsure of what to expect with this film. Garfield looks a perfect fit for Peter Parker, Emma Stone is always very good and Rhys Ifans as Dr connors mean the cast is all in place. However early footage of the lizard was ropey to say the least, and the trailer doesn’t really seem as exciting as I’d like. Perhaps it’s just a crap trailer? I’d rather have a rubbish trailer and good film rather than the other way round (I’m looking at you Matrix sequels).

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20th)

This really is the film that I’m looking forward to above all others this summer. The conclusion to Nolan’s Batman trilogy, has had everyone holding their breath since the credits rolled on the Dark Knight. The cast from the previous films return with the addition of Tom Hardy, Marion Cotillard, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anne Hathaway.

The plot takes place 8 years after the event of the Dark Knight. Batman, now in exile, returns to go head to head with Bane. This is the Bane from the comic books, not the ridiculous bane from Batman and Robin (I just felt a shiver down my spine just saying the name of that Joel Schumacher piece of shit). “The legend ends” tagline give the impression that all bets are off in this one.

Chris Nolan has earned our excitement, producing a superhero trilogy that is darker than any that has gone before it. Batman Begins was good, but with the Dark Knight he raised the bar a long way beyond other superhero films. He’s shown he’s a safe pair of hands what ever film he makes, plus he hates 3D!

Brave (August 17th)

With the awful sequel to Cars, Pixar had a rare faltering moment. Unheard of for a studio who only seem to deal in critically acclaimed hits. Brave is the chance to correct that and get things back to their normal standard.

Brave tells the story of a princess who wishes to join the men of her country on the frontline as a warrior. It’s an unusually unoriginal storyline for Pixar, with more than a little nod towards Disney’s Mulan, but I’m sure they’ll put their own stamp on it.

Ignoring Cars every film they’ve made has been brilliantly original and well received, I’m sure this will get them back on that track.

Those are the films I’m looking forward to this summer, will some of them disappoint me? Almost definitely but who knows which ones!

Honourable mentions go to the Bourne Legacy, Lawless and ParaNorman.

Has Tim Burton lost his Mojo?

There used to be a time when I'd genuinely look forward to the new Tim Burton film, Dark Shadows. There was a quality that ran through his early films, as he honed that gothic off kilter look and direction. This was a director making films on his own terms, not a hint of selling out. In Johnny Depp, he had an actor seemingly created to star in his films. His films were successful and critically well received. What could go wrong? He could merrily go on making the films he wanted.

Unfortunately things do seem to have gone awry, with Burton seeming to have lost his mojo. His most recent output has all his usual hallmarks, that dark gothic look, Johnny Depp and a fairytale story line. It should be a case of mixing it all together with liberal helpings of Helena Bonham Carter, and hey presto another hit.. Recently that hasn't been been the case..

You can almost split his career in two. Films made pre and post Planet of the Apes; as shown by the graph below.

Planet of the Apes is the first Burton film I saw at the cinema. That’s not because this was the Tim Burton film above all others that I was desperate to see, no sir. The majority of Burton’s films I had seen to that point had been on TV, on account of me being too young to see them at the cinema. Having seen and loved Edward Scissorhands, Batman, Beetlejuice and Ed Wood, I was bizarrely looking forward to seeing the Apes remake at the cinema. The good favour he’d built up with his previous films, made me think that maybe he could pull it off. With Batman he made the big action superhero film whilst sticking to his visual aesthetic, and it was a huge success. What we got with Planet of the Apes was an almost by the numbers film, you could describe it as a Hollywood studio film, the ending may have been brave but it just didn’t work.

As awful as Apes was it didn’t put me off. Anyone can make a bad film, it doesn’t make you a bad film maker. Alex Ferguson once said “form is temporary, class is permanent,” which was a mantra I applied to Burton. Maybe Ape’s was shit because he forgot to cast Depp? Maybe the studio meddled too much? His next film would surely sort it out, I told myself. So it was that I saw his next film, and his next film, and the next after that at the cinema

Were they the return to form I hoped for? No.

Big Fish. Received mixed reviews, but I actually didn’t think it was that bad. It’s all over the place but the ending is emotional and heartfelt. Have I felt the urge to watch it again? No

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Another remake and after the last one went so well! Burton teams up with Depp again, who channels Michael Jackson to make Wonka much creepier than Gene Wilder ever did. I won’t even mention the rubbish oompa loompa and the tacked on father issues.

Michael Jackson?   

Corpse Bride. Probably the best reviewed of Burton’s recent work, but for me it just didn’t have same charm as The Nightmare before Christmas (I know Henry Selick directed that).

That’s where I drew the line, I haven’t seen any of his films at the cinema since. I’ve still rented them all on DVD, fingers crossed in the hope that this is the one where he finds his feet again. I’m usually disappointed. Sweeney Todd and Alice in Wonderland have both been instantly forgettable. There seems to be more than a hint of giving into the studio on both these films. Sweeney Todd had the bizarre non musical trailer and Alice the 3D conversion. Both films made their money back and then some, but that Burton Magic from earlier films was missing. I’d hoped that Sweeney Todd might capture some of the mayhem of Beetlejuice, or with Alice the fairy tale wonder of Scissorhands but, they both just seemed flat. Flat pictures projected to give the image of 3D in the case of Alice.

Am I judging too harshly? Is he paying the price for such a blisteringly good early career? In some ways perhaps even he  knows it. His next film, Frankenweenie, is a return to his roots, the film that got him sacked from Disney all those years ago.


I sincerely hope it’s a return to form. A world where Tim Burton makes good films is always going to be a more interesting place.

The Most Irritating Characters Committed to Celluloid

Even a film which is nigh on perfect can have a character that irritates. You know the type, if you met them in real life Hari Kari might suddenly seem like a good idea. The sort of ridiculous characters that say and do the stupidest things imaginable, yet still end up smelling of roses by the end.

If a person like this worked in your office, the adult thing to do would be to avoid them until they think you're dead. Unfortunately you can't do that with movie characters. So here are my most annoying movie characters.

Star Wars

I've decided to combine all the Star Wars character that boil my piss into one category, otherwise this whole list would be Star Wars characters alone.

JarJar Binks. The most reviled man in the whole of the Star Wars universe, probably correctly. Ignoring the whole argument about racist stereotypes, his voice and mannerisms make you want to stick knitting needles in your ears. Included as a 'comedy' sidekick, its difficult to remember a single funny thing he does during the whole film.

If the Jedi are strong with the force, surely they must have known bringing him along in the first film was a bad idea. His speech and vote in the clone wars give emergency powers to the emperor, thereby sealing everyone's fate. Yoda is all worried about Anakin, but if he'd just lopped JarJar's head off, he might have saved a lot of hassle later on.

Even Space has Racial Stereotypes

Anakin (young and old). The only positive is that young Anakin was only in one film. Shouting yippee and generally acting like he's got ADHD, no wonder his mum was so happy to get rid of him. She must have have been desperate for a bit of peace and quiet.

Darth Vader was the biggest bad ass in the universe, yet Hayden Christensen plays him like a poutting teenager. Snivelling and whining his way through both films. What in gods name does the emperor see in him? Or for that matter Padme? My favourite moment. When he tries to look conflicted before slaughtering the younglings, but instead looks like he's trying to remember where he parked his car.

Conflicted? Confused? Constipated?

Ewoks. I don't think there's much more to be said about ewoks. Either you love them or you think they're a cynical ploy by Lucas to shift a bunch of cuddly toys before Christmas. I think you can guess which group I'm in. Perhaps George needed more of the green stuff to buy some new plaid shirts.

Blood Thirsty Killing Machines

Jurassic Park

The two kids. I don't even remember the names of the two kids in Jurassic Park, just the annoyance they cause me every time they're on screen. Honestly who isn't rooting for the raptors in the kitchen scene. Every time I've seen it I always hope this is the time that the raptors rip them apart, unfortunately I'm always disappointed. Steven Spielberg does seem to have a special place for annoying children in most of his films.


The only function of the children in Jurassic Park is to try and get everyone killed at almost every turn. The lawyer meets a sticky end because of the girls urge to wave a flashlight around, her inability to then turn it off just compunds the issue. Does she seem particularly bothered she's caused this man's death? Does she balls! He probably had a wife and kids that she's orphaned and widowed. That's the sort of thing most of us would struggle to live with, but it doesn't even seem to register. She won't eat meat, which she announces with such smugness, but the death of a person because of her actions? She passes that off without even batting an eyelid! What an evil bitch. As for her brother, I don't think he annoys me that much but he is related to her!

Brain the size of a walnut, the dinosaurs aren't too clever either

Arthur

Arthur(Russell Brand). Remaking Arthur always seemed like a bad idea. The original film traded on Dudley Moore's likability, and his rapport with John Geilgud. The remake decides it’s best if Brand just act like a rich, spoilt six year old, who dresses as an 18th century dandy.

In films like Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Get Him to the Greek, he was the comic foil to the ‘straight’ guy. In these films it is the straight guy who does the learning, Brand can be left to act like a drunk because he didn't have to be redeemed. In Arthur we’re expected to care for him, want him to be redeemed by falling in love, realise he doesn’t need money to be happy. However all we get is him drink driving, and buying stuff. Not really someone you want to succeed.

Who wouldn't warm towards him?

Transformers

There are a huge number of irritating characters in the transformers series. The Parents, Carly, the twins from the second film etc. But I thought I’d go with the main irritation in the film (other than Michael Bay’s awful direction).

Sam Whitwicky. I’ve said it before Shia LaBeouf is not a leading man. He is utterly devoid of charisma,with virtually no screen presence at all. The only way you can tell he's on screen is you can hear that screeching noise he calls acting. If he’s the last hope of humanity, then I'd rather it all ended with us enslaved by the Decepticons.

He has the same problems the common man does calming down his giant robot

He spends the whole of the 3rd film complaining about is life. Yes, what a hard life he has. He can’t find a job but lives in a stunning apartment, has a beautiful girlfriend, a medal of honour from the President and he attended an Ivy League University for free. Yes I feel a great deal of sympathy for him, in the current economy he’s just like you or me. I spent most of the films praying he’d get killed or maimed, Hell I’d have settled for a viral throat infection that meant he couldn’t speak. I’m surprised he hasn’t damaged his own vocal chords the amount of screaming like a little girl he does


Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Short Round. Steven Spielberg really does like his annoying kids doesn’t he.

Reasons Indy is cool:

Smart one liners - Check
Kicks Nazi ass - Check
Sean Connery is his dad - Check
A way with the ladies - Check
He’s also Han Solo - Check
Annoying child side kick............... erm Check?

Why would Indy even need a side kick? More to the point why would he have a child as a side kick? It seems a little reckless, after all Indy does tend to get himself into quite a bit of danger doesn’t he? Surely this is a child endangerment issue, plus he’s not even family. Why is a grown man taking an 11 year old with him all over the world? It all sounds a bit weird.

I’m hard pressed to find any part of the film he’s amusing in, his 'banter' basically consists of him speaking in pigeon english. Lines like "he no nuts he crazy' or 'you cheat very big' hilarious I know. However the bit below where he gets a punch in the chops had me cheering!

Temple of Doom is considered the worst of the first three Indy films, and short round had a big part to play in that.


Adam Sandler

Rather than blame the films Adam Sandler is in, I thought I’d go straight to the source. Some people play the same character in virtually every film they’re in. It means they become typecast but if they do it well, whats the problem. Adam Sandler also plays the same character in every film but, it’s an annoying, shoutty, jerk of a character. The angry, sneering, man child seems to be the whole range of his acting ability. It was amusing in Happy Gilmore, but by the time you get through to Anger Management the joke has wore very, very, thin.

The fact that he plays the ‘good guy’ in his films is even more galling. We're supposed to believe that he’s the sort of chap who should end up with the girl/money/happiness? He should end up in prison, where he could get in to an altercation with an inmate and be stabbed with a shiv made out of a toothbrush.

Plus he seems to keep Rob Schneider in work which is a crime against humanity itself.

We can all dream can't we

Whats more depressing is Paul Thomas Anderson actually coaxed an amazing performance out of him in Punch Drunk Love. I guess that just goes to show the genius of Anderson!

Honourable mentions also go to Jay Barutchel just for being him, Ruby Rhod (Fifth Element),M ary Corleone (Godfather III) and Basher Tarr (Oceans films). You were all annoying, I just don’t have the time.

Which Character irritates you most in a film?

Mr Nobody Understands Me

Mr Nobody is a film of truly grand ideas. Attempting to cram in as many questions about human existence as it can, as if involved in some sort of mad bet with the other films in the playground. Life, death, choice, love, fate, the nature of the universe, physics, you name it there’ll be a reference to it. Mr Nobody cannot be accused of being unambitious.

Now this is the point where it is customary to produce a quick plot synopsis; you know the drill, cover main characters, what happens, try not to give away too much (I refer to my blog about spoilers). This does not apply to the plot of Mr Nobody. I couldn't spoil the plot even if I tried because, and I'm not ashamed to admit this, I'm not sure if I can follow the plot entirely myself. I should show willing though, so I'll try and 'summarise' the plot as best I can.

Nemo Nobody (Jared Leto) is at 118 years of age the last mortal man. In 2092, the inconvenience of ageing and dying has been done away with. He's a novelty, a futuristic side show freak, used to entertain the public via a reality TV show. Through interviews with first his Dr and then a journalist he recalls the story of his life.

A life that seems to contradict itself at every turn; Nemo stayed with his mum or his dad, he marries one of three different women, he’s in a coma, his wife is dead or he’s dead etc. It seems that every decision that Nemo make,s he is able to see the different routes that decision will take him down. All of which seems to boil to his one key decision, to either stay with his mum or dad. The choice seems to come down to the quality of laces employed by the shoe company, in one of the films many butterfly effect moments.

Is the contradictory life story a comment on the very nature of memories? Is it about the butterfly effect and the idea of fate? 

Whilst following each of the different strands, the film jumps and loops back on its self, never fully giving away where any particular strand is heading. The young Nemo, played with perfect teenage angst by Tony Regbo, has the opportunity to end up married to three different women depending on his decisons. It is the adult Leto we see living out these futures. Leto does seem to have a similar blank look on his face regardless of which future he's in; his haircut or presence of glasses seem to be better than him at conveying which life he’s in. Luckily for him, the d.p shoots each future in a slightly different style, differentiating each one with subtlety. To be fair to Leto he does perform the scenes under the latex as old Nemo admirably. Of the female leads it’s Juno Temple who impresses the most as a young Anna, the love of Nemo’s life.

Nemo if he'd made the children's character choice in his life

The real question comes down to whether the film is bigger than the sum of its different strands? The ambition of Jaco Van Dormael cannot be questioned, i fact it should be commended. In a time when films treat us with kid gloves, afraid to let us think in case our heads explode, he has produced a film which gives no quarter to anyone. Even at 140 minutes (this is the cut I saw there are other cuts available) the film is never less than entertaining and technically very impressive. Unfortunately it never quite comes together perfectly. In films that are difficult to follow there is often a point towards the end when the film starts to come together, the underlying theme comes through, but with this you are left scratching your head. It pains me to say that perhaps instead of making the film so impenetrable, he should have conceded a little to the viewer. In the directors mind I’m sure this all makes sense, if he could let us in a little more perhaps it would be more rewarding. I can't help but think a slightly better edit may have helped things seem just a tad clearer.

For what it’s worth I do think there is an interesting film in here about the nature of fate and choice. Who hasn’t struggled over a difficult choice in their life? Puzzled over which route to take, who to settle down with, career decisions etc. What if we could play out these decisions to the nth degree (in a much better way than Next see my blog about spoilers). Isn't that the best way of making an informed the decision, a sort of live action pros and cons list. Perhaps that’s what Nemo has done, played out every decision to the absolute end. Whether that’s death, happiness, a loveless marriage or whatever he knows and can decide. Isn’t that all we want from life, to make the best decisions for ourselves and our loved ones.

Overall I’d recommend this film purely because I commend its very existence. It may not always work, the whole space short story I could’ve done without, but watch it and then watch it again and come to your own conclusions. It's confusing but in a good way, not like the Box which is confusing in a crap way!  

There was an alternate version of this blog in which I take the completely opposite view point in, Nemo kind of way I weighed it up and decided against it

What did you think of the film?

Traditional animation and my top 5 Studio Ghibli

We've all gotten used to watching animated CGI films these days. We're treated to a slew of computer animated children's films whenever the kids break up from school. Toy story 3, Madagascar 2, Ice Age 3, Kung Fu Panda 2, these films have been around long enough to have reached multiple sequels. 

Hell things had gotten to the point were Disney even closed down it's traditional animation department. Admittedly that error was corrected by John Lasseter who re-opened the department in 2009. It's amazing to think that Disney, a studio  who made their name making beautiful and well respected animated films, would shut down 2D animation.

Which brings me to why I'm writing this. Whilst watching Kung Fu Panda 2 I realised that I was entranced by the flash back scenes, which are shown as traditional animation, more than I was the rest of the film. This isn't to say I didn't like the film; some of the fight scenes are a bit samey, and it's not quite as funny as the first one but on the whole I enjoyed it. The animation is superb, every single strand of Po's fur looks lovingly created. I don't doubt the time and skill that goes into producing each and every frame. Perhaps the flash back scenes looked more vibrant intentionally, the bright and vivid colours making it more memorable. Or maybe it's just that we're so used to CGI, it was nice to see some old style animation (I know it was probably still done on computer but you see my point).

Top 5 Studio Ghibli

Even with the advancement of modern technology in recent years Studio Ghibli have stuck to crafting beautiful hand drawn animation. For over a quarter of a century the studio set up by Hayao Miyazaki and the late Isao Takahata have produced some of the best animated films in the world, with a level of quality few outside of Pixar can replicate.

Princess Mononoke

I'd have difficulty putting this list in order but my favourite of all is Princess Mononoke. It contains all of Miyazaki's pet themes; the environment, human nature and the futility of war. Combined with strong beautifully drawn characters and a slightly darker tone than his usual works, the 2 hours+ running time never seems too long. The opening scene of Ashitaka being chased by and eventually killing the Boar demon is as visceral and exhilarating as any scene you'll see in film.

Spirited Away

Winning Ghibli's first and only Oscar and still the only non English language film to win best animated Oscar, Spirited Away introduced a wider audience to Ghibli's films. The character design is a deliriously of kilter roster of gods, demons, dragons and soot monsters; No-face in the above picture being a particular stand out. At the centre of the film is a typically strong willed heroine desperately trying to get her parents back into human form. It's impossible not to be charmed by Spirited Away's beauty and story telling.


Grave of the Fireflies

The only film in the list not made by the legendary Miyazaki. This is a genuinely heart braking tale of two orphaned children struggling for survival in WWII Japan. Released the same year as My Neighbour Torturo it's difficult to imagine that they came out of the same studio. An animation that really is for adults, showing the effects of war on innocent children, it truly is heavy going. With an ending that really is gut wrenching, anyone not moved by it is made of sterner stuff than me.


My Neighbour Torturo

The plot to My neighbour Torturo may be wafer thin but that's beside the point. You share the sense of wonder that Satsuki and Mei experience when exploring their new surroundings and their encounter with the eponymous Torturo. One of the most iconic Ghibli creations, he even makes an appearance in Toy Story 3! My Neighbour Torturo is a film that has to be seen; you can't describe it to someone because they'll probably say it sounds ridiculous or boring which would deprive them of ever seeing the catbus! If public transport included catbus' no-one would complain about using them


Ponyo

This is my wife's favourite Ghibli film and yet again it's got the sort of story line that sounds ludicrous. A fish that wants to be a girl; a decision that may be destructive for the whole world. Even though Ponyo isn't quite as strong a female lead as Miyazaki's other creations she's no less charming, her shouts of Ponyo as she skipping through the waves always make me smile. The scenes of the ocean floor have so much going on and such intricate detail you almost feel as if you need two viewings to take it all in.




Honourable mentions to Howls Moving Castle, Kiki's Delivery Service and Nuasicaa of the Valley in the Wind (technically before Studio Ghibli's formation).  I just didn't have enough space.


This isn't to say I don't like computer animated films (I refer to my blog on Pixar films), I just hope there's room for both forms of film making in the future.


Whats your favourite Studio Ghibli film? 

Moments that can ruin a whole film

I know, I know movies are meant to be the suspension of belief. The rules of physics, the laws of man, even common sense don't have to apply. A good film will create a universe in which you believe what is happening as long as it conforms to the rules of the universe within the film. This is the why we accept films about super heroes, like superman, spider man etc. But do you ever feel that things go that little bit too far sometimes? Is there a limit to the amount of belief that you can suspend? That at a certain point you just think come on, I mean really COME ON.

Dogma

I like dogma. I can go along with the story line all the way; a couple of angels who just want to go home, not realising the consequence of their actions. Fair enough you've got Alan Rickman so I'm sold, anything with Alan Rickman is alright by me. Just as everything is moving along nicely to the climax, up pops Alanis Morissette as god. Yes I'll say it again Alanis Morissette as god............... not just god but a nodding, grinning, stupid, retarded looking god. Okay so God should look pleased with themselves, after all they created everything that is and ever will be but she just looks moronic. Grinning like an imbecile whist blowing heads up. Surely Alan Rickman is too cool to take orders from that god? Hell even I'm too cool to take orders off them and I'm a long way down on the cool meter!

I dressed myself today!!

War of the Worlds

(Beware there may be a spoiler contained in this bit you have been warned)

I've never been the biggest Spielberg fan. I agree that his films are always spectacular looking, but I always find something to irritate. The ending of AI, Tom Cruise explaining the plot to the camera in Minority Report just in case you were too stupid to follow it, or that he seems to advocate the shooting of PoW's in Saving Private Ryan.

It is War of the Worlds that irritates me the most though. This has nothing to do with the fact that it is a remake, yes it's an unnecessary remake but we'll ignore that. My main issue is halfway through the film the family split up. Cruise's son decides to go and help fight, where as Tom decides he needs to protect his daughter. His son goes over the hill into a war zone, explosions going off everywhere and Tom looks like he might not see him again. Flash forward, and Tom's been through hell to get to his ex-wife's house but low and behold there's Robbie. His lack of army training, fighting experience or stupidity have not held him back, he's beaten dad home. How did he manage that? Maybe once he got over the hill the aliens were less angry and advanced, just needing a punch on the nose to be defeated. Maybe he gave the aliens some sort of brain disease, causing most of them to die of stupidity. Perhaps it's not bacteria but Robbie who saved the whole planet? He doesn't even look like he's been through a trauma, there's not a scratch on him. He's stood in the doorway with a smug look on his face like he's head of the household now.


War of the Worlds has at it's heart a survival of the fittest idea. Those that are best suited to the environment survive, but this absolutely flies in the face of natural selection. His son is a doofus; he runs off into a war zone without a second thought. Surely his genes deserve to be wiped of the face of the planet. He shouldn't be given the opportunity to reproduce and pass them on, but Steve loves a cheesy ending!! So here's ROBBIE.

Little guy who saves the day (i don't men Tom)

Hitman


Hitman is not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. Yes it's a good game, but as with most movies made from computer games there's something lost in translation. 
The action sequences are a bit generic and that guy from prison break does an awful Russian accent. It's not a horrendous film, it's just ordinary. However there was one thing that stood out and annoyed me.


This is a clandestine group who manufacture top notch hitmen to do their donkey work. I've never ran a business; maybe you do need a way to keep track of your staff, but barcoding them on the back of their baldy heads? That's the best you can think of? Why not security chip them? It works fine with pets, surely they could've hired some management consultants to come up with a better idea than barcodes. A super killer who has a big massive barcode on the back of his shiny noggin. Maybe he could wear a bright red tye and black suit when ever he kills people, just to stick out that little bit more....................... oh wait he does wear a black suit and red tie when killing people. They definitely need to change their employee hand book. The only thing more amazing is that it takes Interpol so long to catch up with him!

101 ways to blend in

Scientists in Films

I'm good at science I am

This isn't aimed at one film in particular but a general thing about scientists in movies.


Watch Thor again and tell me what type of scientist Natalie Portman's character is. What is she researching? If you do know maybe you could tell me. Scientists are often in films just to spout ridiculous phrases "like the neutrinos have mutated." They can't mutate you idiot what sort of scientist are you? Some sort of rubbish scientist who used to be in Eastenders?


Saffron Burrows is a scientist in Deep Blue Sea. Yet when electrocuting a shark she takes of her wet suit so she can stand on something rubber, ignoring that her shoes are made of rubber. She's not a very clever scientist is she. No wonder every one ends up getting killed. I understand why the script wanted her to take off her wetsuit but why not just make her barefoot?



It's The World is Not Enough that really takes the biscuit. In fact they've taken so much biscuit with Denise Richards character that they've emptied the whole supermarket. For Alanis Morissette's sake her name is bloody Christmas Jones, really Christmas Jones. Her character just randomly spouts long words to remind us she's a clever scientist. I get the impression the lab must keep her around because they want a pretty face on the brochure. Just to enforce that idea they put her in some skimpy shorts as well!






These are just a selection, I've got a whole bunch of these but it'd be the longest blog in the world if I put them all down!


So which bit's annoy you most in films?