Friday, 4 May 2012

Moments that can ruin a whole film

I know, I know movies are meant to be the suspension of belief. The rules of physics, the laws of man, even common sense don't have to apply. A good film will create a universe in which you believe what is happening as long as it conforms to the rules of the universe within the film. This is the why we accept films about super heroes, like superman, spider man etc. But do you ever feel that things go that little bit too far sometimes? Is there a limit to the amount of belief that you can suspend? That at a certain point you just think come on, I mean really COME ON.


I like dogma. I can go along with the story line all the way; a couple of angels who just want to go home, not realising the consequence of their actions. Fair enough you've got Alan Rickman so I'm sold, anything with Alan Rickman is alright by me. Just as everything is moving along nicely to the climax, up pops Alanis Morissette as god. Yes I'll say it again Alanis Morissette as god............... not just god but a nodding, grinning, stupid, retarded looking god. Okay so God should look pleased with themselves, after all they created everything that is and ever will be but she just looks moronic. Grinning like an imbecile whist blowing heads up. Surely Alan Rickman is too cool to take orders from that god? Hell even I'm too cool to take orders off them and I'm a long way down on the cool meter!

I dressed myself today!!
War of the Worlds

(Beware there may be a spoiler contained in this bit you have been warned)

I've never been the biggest Spielberg fan. I agree that his films are always spectacular looking, but I always find something to irritate. The ending of AI, Tom Cruise explaining the plot to the camera in Minority Report just in case you were too stupid to follow it, or that he seems to advocate the shooting of PoW's in Saving Private Ryan.

It is War of the Worlds that irritates me the most though. This has nothing to do with the fact that it is a remake, yes it's an unnecessary remake but we'll ignore that. My main issue is halfway through the film the family split up. Cruise's son decides to go and help fight, where as Tom decides he needs to protect his daughter. His son goes over the hill into a war zone, explosions going off everywhere and Tom looks like he might not see him again. Flash forward, and Tom's been through hell to get to his ex-wife's house but low and behold there's Robbie. His lack of army training, fighting experience or stupidity have not held him back, he's beaten dad home. How did he manage that? Maybe once he got over the hill the aliens were less angry and advanced, just needing a punch on the nose to be defeated. Maybe he gave the aliens some sort of brain disease, causing most of them to die of stupidity. Perhaps it's not bacteria but Robbie who saved the whole planet? He doesn't even look like he's been through a trauma, there's not a scratch on him. He's stood in the doorway with a smug look on his face like he's head of the household now.

War of the Worlds has at it's heart a survival of the fittest idea. Those that are best suited to the environment survive, but this absolutely flies in the face of natural selection. His son is a doofus; he runs off into a war zone without a second thought. Surely his genes deserve to be wiped of the face of the planet. He shouldn't be given the opportunity to reproduce and pass them on, but Steve loves a cheesy ending!! So here's ROBBIE.
Little guy who saves the day (i don't men Tom)


Hitman is not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. Yes it's a good game, but as with most movies made from computer games there's something lost in translation. 
The action sequences are a bit generic and that guy from prison break does an awful Russian accent. It's not a horrendous film, it's just ordinary. However there was one thing that stood out and annoyed me.

This is a clandestine group who manufacture top notch hitmen to do their donkey work. I've never ran a business; maybe you do need a way to keep track of your staff, but barcoding them on the back of their baldy heads? That's the best you can think of? Why not security chip them? It works fine with pets, surely they could've hired some management consultants to come up with a better idea than barcodes. A super killer who has a big massive barcode on the back of his shiny noggin. Maybe he could wear a bright red tye and black suit when ever he kills people, just to stick out that little bit more....................... oh wait he does wear a black suit and red tie when killing people. They definitely need to change their employee hand book. The only thing more amazing is that it takes Interpol so long to catch up with him!
101 ways to blend in

Scientists in Films

I'm good at science I am
This isn't aimed at one film in particular but a general thing about scientists in movies.

Watch Thor again and tell me what type of scientist Natalie Portman's character is. What is she researching? If you do know maybe you could tell me. Scientists are often in films just to spout ridiculous phrases "like the neutrinos have mutated." They can't mutate you idiot what sort of scientist are you? Some sort of rubbish scientist who used to be in Eastenders?

Saffron Burrows is a scientist in Deep Blue Sea. Yet when electrocuting a shark she takes of her wet suit so she can stand on something rubber, ignoring that her shoes are made of rubber. She's not a very clever scientist is she. No wonder every one ends up getting killed. I understand why the script wanted her to take off her wetsuit but why not just make her barefoot?

It's The World is Not Enough that really takes the biscuit. In fact they've taken so much biscuit with Denise Richards character that they've emptied the whole supermarket. For Alanis Morissette's sake her name is bloody Christmas Jones, really Christmas Jones. Her character just randomly spouts long words to remind us she's a clever scientist. I get the impression the lab must keep her around because they want a pretty face on the brochure. Just to enforce that idea they put her in some skimpy shorts as well!

These are just a selection, I've got a whole bunch of these but it'd be the longest blog in the world if I put them all down!

So which bit's annoy you most in films?

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